Relationship Issues

Love them or hate them, we can't avoid relationships. We are all involved in lots of them in different roles. We may be a parent, a child, a sibling, a partner, an employee or employer, a friend, a workmate, a lover, a relative, a professional consultant, or a community member. We may take these roles on willingly or reluctantly, but we all have one thing in common - we are all in relationships.

We may think that we (and others) are willing to sign up "for better or worse", but in reality most of us only want "better". When we feel that we aren't getting it in a particular relationship, we often react with anger, revenge, anxiety, depression or we simply vote with our feet and walk away. These may feel like solutions at the time, but eventually we will go full circle and find ourselves facing exactly the same challenges in our next relationship.

The issues we see most commonly at Point of Change Counselling come in all shapes and sizes - financial clashes, disagreements about parenting styles, problems with communication, different expectations and goals, to name a few - but there are a few core issues which account for most of these:

1. What level of commitment does each person really have to the success of the relationship?
2. How does each person approach intimacy (physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual)?
3. Does each person have clear and consistent personal boundaries which are understood and respected by themselves and their partner?
4. What games does each partner play within the relationship?

What Can Counselling Do For My Relationship?

Counselling is not a quick fix, neither is it a sneaky means of getting someone else to tell the other person how they need to change. It does however provide a judgement free place where you can explore the dynamics of your individual relationship and receive support while you make choices as to where you want to go from here. (Always keep in mind that the other person has equal rights to choose to travel in a different direction).

A counsellor will always aim to encourage you to move towards personal maturity, accepting personal responsibility and developing respect for yourself and others. In the process, you will be helped to understand the current nature of your relationship, re-examine the reasons why you were originally drawn into the relationship, identify the expectations and current feelings of all parties involved, explore each person's contributions towards the present challenges, as well as their current level of commitment to the future of the relationship.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What if I'm the only one willing to come to counselling?

While not ideal, there is still a lot that can be achieved by anyone choosing personal growth. There are no guarantees that everything will work out exactly as you might want, but if you are willing to work on the unhelpful aspects which you bring to the relationship (and there is always something) then you will emerge a more focussed, confident and resilient person.

2. What can I do to make the other person see things from my viewpoint?

Nothing. The only person any of us can change is ourselves. This can be enormously frustrating and we often resort to saying or doing the same thing over and over with more emotion, energy or volume, in the hope that one day they will get it. They won't! Counselling can help you to direct all that energy towards changing yourself, regardless of what the other person does.

If you need help in relationship issues, contact Alli at Point Of Change Counselling and make an appointment.